The Beginning
by Syolen
Summary: Kaoru and Kenshin finally get some time alone together after Jinchuu.


**Rating:** PG  
**Summary:** Kaoru and Kenshin finally get some time alone together after Jinchuu.  
**Warnings:** Tenses probably all over the place. Warm and fuzzy fluff that is warm and fuzzy. And angst. Mostly angst.  
**Notes:** I win at fanfic titles! :P  
**Disclaimer:** It never was and never will be… *sigh*

The Beginning

The deck floor swayed under Kaoru's feet, but she knew it wasn't just because of the waves. The story she had just heard… Sano had tried to keep the worst details out but his revelations still felt like one of his punches to her stomach.

To the world out there, she was dead and buried.

She had not measured the full extent of Enishi's revenge, merely believing that she was simply bait to lure Kenshin out to a secluded place where Enishi could confront him without fear of interruption or easy way out. But that hadn't been enough; Enishi had made them believe she was _dead_, with no hope of ever being rescued.

Kaoru shivered as she recalled Sano's words about the puppet and felt like throwing up - part of her might have felt sorry for Enishi, but this? This was just _sick_. He hadn't toyed only with Kenshin's guilt either - her friends, acquaintances, they all thought her _dead_, had seen a coffin being buried. She would have to go around the city to show everyone proof of the contrary, and could only hope that no one would believe her a ghost and try to burn the dojo down to exorcize it.

On the upper deck, Sano had done the talking, Yahiko and Misao had hummed along or added a few details here and there while Aoshi had simply looked at her, serious as always. She had been surprised at the way they had all surrounded her and stared at her, so obviously wanting to keep her close and right where they could _see_ her, within arms reach should another attack come. Aoshi had been his usual unreadable self, but then she had taken in Sano's serious expression, Misao's uncharacteristic quiet, and Yahiko looking at her but-not-at-her-face as he proudly squared shaking shoulders.

Then Sano had started talking. _There's something you ought to know, Jou-chan_, he had said.

Now she knew. It hadn't taken long, just a few quick brush strokes to brief her up, and she had known.

She had known and the silence that had followed had been deafening. Now she was the one unable to meet their eyes.

_Dead and buried_… Horror and rage had swelled and collided inside her and exhausted themselves as quickly as they had surged, leaving her feeling crushed under their dead weight, her mind blank.

And still, all four pairs of eyes had been fixed on her.

"I… I don't know what to say, I… That's…" she had croaked. She was, had been, dead and buried. What did one say to _that_?

"You should talk to Kenshin." Yahiko had kindly provided her with an escape. The others had all nodded in agreement. There was something else, Kaoru had understood then, something that they were not telling her that involved Kenshin, and her, and this mess of a revenge.

Now below deck, Kaoru wondered again if Sano had not waited until Megumi had led Kenshin away to take care of his wounds before telling her his story for a very good reason.

The deck floor swayed again and Kaoru's stomach twisted in apprehension.

"Are you okay?" Megumi's voice interrupted her thoughts. The young doctor was coming out of a room a few doors down the hallway. She carried her medical box in her hand - done with dressing Kenshin's newest wounds.

"Ah, yes, I was just coming to check on Kenshin…" Kaoru remembered her manners, and smiled.

Megumi simply nodded in response. As she walked closer, Kaoru saw that, for once, there was no mocking humor in her eyes. She, too, had been affected by recent news and Kaoru's heart went out to her and their friends: they all cared about her, enough that they now formed one very peculiar family, and for that Kaoru would forever be thankful. She remembered how quiet her dojo had been, _before_, how she would wake up in the middle of the night choking on her own loneliness. Not anymore, thanks to them.

"Well," Megumi finally said. "I'm going to see how that stupid rooster's hand held. Again." Kaoru could just hear the sarcasm dripping from this last word as she watched Megumi disappear up the stairs to the main deck. Broken hand or not, Sano was in for it, but they all knew it was only Megumi's special way of showing him she cared. Or so they hoped, at least.

_Kenshin,_ she reminded herself. This was who she had to focus on now. Taking a deep breath that she released slowly through her nose, Kaoru walked to the door to Kenshin's room. She knocked twice, then walked in.

She found him sitting on the cot, right arm in a sling, his freshest bandages hidden by the clean gi that Megumi had known to bring to the island with them. He leaned back against the wall, his ever-present sakabatou propped against the edge of the cot, never out of reach.

What she saw surprised her: on one hand, Kenshin's whole body screamed his exhaustion - stretched pale skin and slumped shoulders, he looked like he could sleep for a week, and Kaoru made a mental note to make him do just that as soon as they got home.

On the other hand, there was a quiet strength in his eyes that hadn't been there before - Kaoru guessed it was thanks to his finding his Truth, and her heart swelled at the thought that he was finally coming to terms with his assassin days. But mostly, what shocked her was the unabashed wonder with which he was now staring at her that sent her heart aflutter.

She hoped her lips weren't shaking too much when she smiled. Feeling self-conscious around Kenshin was new, but she steeled herself against the awkwardness of it.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"How are you feeling?" Kaoru walked towards the cot and sat beside Kenshin.

One-shoulder shrug. "I've known worse… "

"But better too, right?"

His soft chuckle ended in a pained hiss, proving her words. "Ah, you're right", he conceded.

Silence. Kaoru stared at her lap, all too aware of Kenshin's eyes still trained on her, as if he didn't want to miss a second of her breathing. Maybe it was the fatigue he must have been feeling, but he seemed perfectly at ease there with her, while nervousness crept up again within her chest. Friendly banter aside, Kaoru remembered the other reason she was there. There was something else she needed to say. Taking a deeper breath, she started.

"Sano told me what happened - the puppet and everything. I'm sorry I've caused that much trouble…"

His hand on hers interrupted her. "Don't be. It was not your fault. Enishi planned everything. I was… too slow to react."

Kaoru snorted, "Don't blame yourself either. Enishi attacked everyone you care for, sent several opponents to distract you and let them tire you first", now she was losing her cool, despite her efforts not to, she could hear her voice rising, rising, rising, "and you're just one man, Kenshin. You're just one man. What Enishi did… That was… That was…" She bit her lip as she searched for words; "sick" did not feel enough anymore and… She was, had been, dead, Kenshin did not need any more guilt to carry around, she did _not_ want him to carry any more guilt, especially not on her account… Gods, she was feeling so much, she did not know where to start.

"Stop." Kenshin's voice was low, soothing. Kaoru clung to it as it grounded her and gave her something else to focus on than feelings she was still far too tense to recognize. Things made more sense, when Kenshin said them. "I get it," he continued. "I'm just one man, I understand this now, but please don't blame yourself. That night, you were Enishi's target all along. Let's just be glad that you're alive and safe."

"All right," Kaoru relented. She knew Kenshin was right and willed her confusion away. It was much too soon to think straight. Later, in a few days, when they were both calmer and rested, they could reopen that box and go over the recent events one by one, decide how they felt about them, and neatly rearrange them among their memories. For now, they were alive. That was the important part. Kaoru breathed deeply again and Kenshin leaned back against the wall, relaxing with her.

His hand had not left hers but then again, he had thought her dead less than a day ago. She wondered how that would feel, thinking him dead. His leaving for Kyoto didn't even begin to compare. The raw panic she had felt when she had seen Sano all but dragging Kenshin back to the Aoiya after the fight against Shishio might be a better indication. She thought it would be like this, as if a million needles stung and bled ice through her veins that brought her to her knees and wouldn't let her stand back up, as if, no matter what she did, she would always end up back at the moment she first learned the news, her world ending and starting there, with nothing but her loss and her failure to prevent it.

A true Hell on Earth.

Kaoru started as realization dawned on her, more terrible, perhaps, than her imagination running away with her. Kenshin's hold on her hand tightened and he looked at her questioningly - she could barely meet his eyes as she tried to explain herself.

"Kenshin… What Enishi said… The Living Hell, what…" She stammered but stopped herself when he looked away, head bowed so that his bangs would cover his eyes. Yet they did nothing to hide the clenching of his jaw, the sudden squeezing of her hand, the hunch of his shoulders.

For all of their stumbling, her words had hit him straight at the core.

"Not now". His right fingers flexed, as if they too wanted to grip her. "Please. Not now."

That he all but begged her scared her - he looked just as fragile as he had when he had first told them about Tomoe. Truth or not, it was obvious that this particular wound ran deeper than even Enishi's first attack, far too raw still to be touched.

"It's all right," she replied hastily, both to soothe him and to fill his silence. "Like you said, what matters is that it ends well. I'm alive, you're alive, everyone is fine and you've even found your truth. Now we can all go home and face the future together, neh?" She gave Kenshin what she hoped looked like a reassuring smile. It faltered when he didn't react and Kaoru reached out with her free hand to brush his bangs away and see his face, afraid that he was too far gone again and had not even heard her.

She never imagined he would move then, leaning forward so that his forehead rested on her shoulder. She froze, blushing, her hand suspended in mid air.

"The future…", he whispered. Slowly, very slowly, accepting him there, Kaoru exhaled and let her hand fall to his back, encouraging him to continue. His own hand let go of hers, his arm winding around her waist. She could feel him shaking slightly, but from exhaustion or something else, she could not tell.

"Kaoru-dono… When I saw you on the beach, and you were alive and sound, and supporting us as always, I promised myself something."

He finally looked up at her then, but instead of the haunted eyes she had expected, she saw again the strength that been there earlier, shining in quiet violet. Hope, too, and she could not remember the last time Kenshin had looked hopeful. And again, that _something_ that made her cheeks redden.

"No more wasted time."

"No more wasted time?" she repeated.

"Three times now, you've welcomed me home… Forgive me for being so slow to realize what it meant."

She nudged him up then, her hands cupping his cheeks to make him look her in the eye because she needed to see his face fully for what she was about to ask - she felt terrified again but what he had said… What he had just said… Her heart fluttered right behind her lips.

"Does that mean you'll stay?"

He did not miss a heartbeat, leaned his forehead against hers and she could see only him.

"Yes. I would love to stay, if you'd have me."

"Idiot". She looked back down to hide her blush and the grin trying to split her face. "Of course I want you to stay."

The smile he gave her then was the first genuine one she had seen from him. Then he rested his head back on her shoulder, fully leaning against her. It was only fair, she thought, to hold him as he was holding her.

"Let's go home ", he said as he snuggled up against her as if he had done it his whole life.

Her cheek on his head sealed the deal. "Yes", she said, "let's go home."


End file.
